Wow I cant believe how much has changed since I last posted. Its been almost 4 years. This blog was intended to document us, my family and my thoughts and more. I want to continue that with a spin. So hang tight and follow me on our journey. We're not far from teen years so this should get interesting. With a little more time on my hands I'm looking forward to organizing my thoughts and actually getting them on this blog. I don't know about you but I know that sometimes I just need to vent, let it all go and move on with my life and a blog is a great place for all those crazy, unorganized thoughts. I find when I go back and read my old blog posts I can still relate to that person but I can also see how I grew and how I moved on. A blog is also a great place to share things like favorite recipes, traditions, great finds (I found this amazing trinket at a local retro store a few weeks ago I have to share It!!!) A blog documents the now and can show the future us our own stories.  I hope you can tag along for the ride.

Let the adventure start!

I am so sheltered! I have never been on a plane (just a small bush plane for 15 min) but not a huge international jet! I'm sitting here waiting to check in, go through customs and check my bag and I'm so nervous.  I know I'll be fine but this is huge and so much bigger when your older apparently.  I'm flying for the first time, going to another country (USA but still another country) going to the happiest place on earth, meeting new people and doing new things.  I am beyond excited and nervous. Like I said I know I'll be ok. This is all new had exciting and I am so ready to go on an adventure, not just any adventure but an artistic adventure!

Natalie

Natalie was eight months when it first.happened. my baby was crying one minute the next she was blue, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, she stopped breathing, then lost consciousness and once she was out she started breathing. The next 30 seconds were the longest of my life and I'll never forget the feeling of terror I felt sitting on the floor waiting for my baby to come too. She finally opened her eyes and was groggy and lethargic for the next hour or so and then had a nap. When she awoke from the nap she was back to her spunky little self. The next time it happened she was in her car seat and I was getting into the van, something must have startled her and I heard a gasp and Joe shouted that she was blue. I then opened her door and she had just started breathing again. I felt helpless there was no reason I could see why she was doing this.

   We took her to the hospital and we're blessed by being able to see our own dr. She was definitely concerned.  They ran tests and all they could see was that Natalies blood oxygen was a little low (right where I'd should have been from just passing out) after consulting with a pediatrician the doctor diagnosed her with Breath holding syndrome.  We have done our research and have changed our displine techniques based on Natalies needs. Between the 8 month old and now (23 months) she has at least one a day and up to 5 spells sone days we get super luck and have none but those are rare. 

     Basically what happens is she is not capable to control her emotions and once she is set off (as we call it) it's very rare we can bring her out if it. It's been happening so often that I can tell by her cry and emotional state if it will happen and I can protect her body the best I can. As a mother I can not give in to her every will and want and I can not let her use this to manipulate us into giving her what she wants. She is a little young for this but it can and has happened to other families and then we would have a big mess on our hands.

     We have been through a little bit medically as parents and I believe we are not over reacting. These episodes are scary and to an on looker can look like a seizure.  In Natalies case she was too young when they started, most children start when they are 2 or so and can continue to the age of 6.  We are going through further testing due to her age when she started and the frequency of the spells.  Also with our family heart issues they are looking at her heart more thoroughly.

Thanks for listening and please pray that we will have peace during the testing and that the doctors will have knowledge and help us get through this.

Enjoyment

It's been so long since I have had so much enjoyment in my life. I'm not saying I haven't had enjoyment but lately I've noticed so much and I have been having so much fun. This past weekend I spent with some close friends and we had a blast visiting, and creating.  It was like I was 16 and at a slumber party the entire weekend. We spent the weekend at a scrap booking retreat and while pumping page after page out we laughed till we cried and talked about everything and everything. We decided a few weeks ago that we would sleep in one of the girls trailers (praying the weather would cooperate) we stayed up late scrapping and then up even later talking while falling asleep.
     There's something about who you surround yourself with that affects who you are. I have been having so much fun these past few months and I credit to who I've been spending my time with. I have also noticed a shift in my kids. They fight less, they are more respectful and happy. I've also mimicked myself taking in the little moments. Helping a friend with a birthday cake, going through the car wash with the kids or just noticing the smile on a 2 year olds fave as she jumps in a puddle for the first time.

      Having also taken a lesson from a huge Disney movie at the moment I have learned to let things go. I've been struggling with a few things this past year and have learned recently that I need to let it go and embrace the here and now, embrace me and the other people I enjoy being around. Letting the dark cloud follow you around will make you feel like a certain blue donkey. I'm done feeling like that and am going to embrace the light and the love, let it go and move on.

Changes

      Our lives change all the time. Sometimes we have a choice on the change but others we don't. I have faith that the change will work out for the best. The universe has a funny way of working out.   

      When in the middle of a change or shift it can be hard to see the reasons but when you can remove yourself and take a step back and reflect usually you can see that the change is for the best. 

    We have many times in our lives when a shift happens and it's up to us on how we react. Sometimes it's hard to react positively and take it in stride, for example when you or a loved one is faced with illness or death. When faced with those changes or shifts it's hard to see the good or even to see the light. It's how you deal with the situation that will affect your life for the better or worse.

    I don't want to sound like I'm making light of hard time but I have found that when I have faith and a positive outlook I can usually handle the change alot easier.

     This past year has had many changes for me. My life has shifted so much and at first I didn't deal with it well. The world was a very dark place and I was lost. Of course being a mother you continue your day to day and so on but I was just drifting, swaying with the waves. The hard part for me was that what I was dealing with was my own stuff, it didn't have a huge impact on the kids or my husband it was all me. I am so good at taking care of everyone else (and do it all the time) that I didn't know how to deal with myself, with my own issues.

       Finally I got sick of feeling like I was living in a cave alone and I started opening the doors and windows. Putting on a brave face I took a stand. I wasn't going to let what happened tear me down any longer. It was then I took that step back that I realized that the change had not only affected me in a negative way but while I was in that dark cave alone my loved ones were on the outside waiting for me to come alive again. It took a few weeks for my husband and kids to realize I wasn't in there any longer and even though I was "present" in our day to day I wasn't really enjoying life with them and they noticed.

    My friends were also a big part of me taking coming out of the darkness. They helped pull me out of it fully. Finding out that they were behind me the whole time and that they were waiting for me to deal with things in my own time. Once some of them started noticing that I was back and ready to take on life,  ready to live life they were there to support me. I was in such a dark place I never realized they were all right there behind me.

    Once I was back in the light I found that who you surround yourself with affects you so profoundly. Now that I have some very beautiful, extraordinary,  fabulous women in my life that support me one hundred and fifty percent I feel like I can take on any challenge the universe throws at me.

    No word of a lie my husband is phenomenal. I love him with all my heart, he is my soul mate and my rock but with this shift and change in my life I needed female support.

    We all deal with change our own ways, taking a positive approach to the change or shift can help us through it so much easier then hiding in a cave or letting it drag us down.

New Year = SLEEP

     So far 2014 is shaping up to be a great year for us. I am super excited that we are back in routine. Routine is super important to our family. While I don't schedule things down to the minute we do have a fairly structured atmosphere. Personally I think its crucial to our family to function properly.

      Our whole routine revolves around one thing and one thing only. SLEEP!!! If our sleep schedules are off, it throws all of us off and with that our routines. We have always taken pride in our kids' sleeping habits but as soon as our routine is messed up their sleeping habits get messed up. We are finally just getting all our sleep schedules back on track and we have been back into the swing of things now for three weeks. Often we get comments on our kids' sleep habits and how well they go to bed for us. I assure you we have worked hard to get where we are with their sleeping. We've been through bouts of sleep apnea and with that, all the sleepless nights. Having had four newborns so we have also been through all of that, also having the odd night where someone climbs into our bed. We are not perfect by any means.

      Having 4 kids between 2 and 8 we have to adjust and we do so often. you have to take in account of the age their at, the behaviors that they have. Even look at yourself. Are you a night owl? An early riser? A late riser?

     Nat is a night owl and can usually pull 5 to 7 hours of sleep and function well. For me I like to stay up late but I need an 8 hour minimum. I like to have 10 to 12 hours. I love sleep, I could sleep away days. J is what we like to call a normal kid. he needs 10 to 12 hours and often gets that. C is a lot like his dad. he only needs about 8 hours and because of this goes to bed at the same time as his siblings but is our early riser. K and N are our sleepers often (If able) pull 10 to 14 hours. There usually isn't a day where we have to wake one or both to go to school.

     For us we have stuck to an earlier bed time. We start at 645 and often all kids are in bed asleep by 8. We have found that if we put them to bed at that time they sleep for their required amount of time and are refreshed and happy when they get up. If we put them to bed later they are still up at the same time and are in horrible moods.


     With all four kids we did the cry out method. when I say that I don't mean we let them scream and scream and scream, we let them cry it out within reason. When we first started with each one it was heart breaking but I am so glad now we did it while they were babies and don't have to fight with an 8 year old now. When we started we started in 5 minute intervals and after 15 mins (3 - 5 minute intervals) we upped it to 10 minutes for 30 minutes (3- 10 minute intervals) I don't think we ever made it to 15 minute intervals.

     Here's what we did. (By the way Nat is way better at this then me) Please Note: We found the best time to start this is at bed time about 630 -9 if their too tired it will not work.

Baby is crying (baby is fed, dry has soother but isn't wanting to sleep)
-go in at 5 min sooth, give soother blankie, rub back and reassure. Leave room and shut door. (DO NOT PICK UP BABY OR TURN LIGHT ON)
-When baby starts crying wait 5 mins and do it again. continue one more time
- If baby is still crying after you sooth after 5 min for 15 min increase time to 10 min
-let baby cry for 10 min go in sooth and repeat 3 times
Some babies are stubborn and it may take increasing to 15 min but after 15 we have found that going back down to 5 min intervals and repeating works best.

     We are going through all of this at the moment with N again since switching her beds. It takes more time and effort when they get older since they have figured out how to push your buttons and how far they can go till you give in.


     Even with our older kids we have to occasionally re enforce bed time. We get the "I need a drink" "I need to poop" and so on. The same goes to them. We give in 3 times then we get forceful. Yes you may have a drink, yes you can go poop, yes I love you. Now it is bed time! Then we start taking away privileges and add chores.If they are being super stubborn it usually just takes one privilege and one chore.


     Bed time is a non negotiable for us and we have always made it clear. After bedtime its our time as parents, we need this time for us to be alone by ourselves or alone together.

Christmas is coming......

     This is probably the first year that I am not stressed about Christmas. We are so blessed to be able to not stress about money this year. For that I am thankful. Not participating in any huge family gatherings I am not stressed about gifts, pot luck items, stocking stuffers, white elephant exchanges or ANYTHING.

    Like I said in a post above, we are taking this year to our own little family. This has cut down so many stresses but we still have Christmas to prepare for. I am so happy that all we have to do is take the kids shopping for each other and the we are done!! I even have most of my gifts wrapped by an amazing angel.

     This week was super busy with a day at piano, last art class, card deliveries, and class parties. This weekend I came across a Pintrest idea I HAD to make for the kids' parties. Tuesday afternoon I made my way to Walmart KIDLESS (thanks to a hubby who was sick and working from home) I took my time picking out fruit and getting things for next weeks dinners, got to te till and was in line at the slowest cashier and a lady who had about $1000 worth of stuff. Instead of getting frustrated I took the time to check out a few emails that I had neglected and sent a few I had been meaning to send.

     Finally I got through the check out and the cashier asked for $150.... I was shocked, all I had bought was fruit and a few packages of meat. Shell shocked I got to the van unloaded the food and looked at the receipt. Now meat I get isn't cheap and I did buy a few things it added up to $50. It was the FRUIT that cost me $100. My brilliant idea cost more that 3 pre cut fruit platters from Sobeys. it could have been no mess, no fuss and NO STRESS but no. No I had to be THAT mom, the Mom that came with the amazing dish, structure or idea. After putting all the food away and forgetting about the cost I got to making my brilliant idea. Wednesday morning I had my coffee, cut the cantaloupe and honeydew, washed the grapes and got everything prepared to put this thing together. Well it flopped and I mean FLOPPED, it was my first fail at attempting something from a blog, it was lopsided and looked horrible.

     Luckily I had a friend here and I couldn't break down and cry and sob that my brilliant plan didn't work so I took a deep breath and pulled all the things off the tooth picks, put the fruit in a bowl and called it done. I dropped it off at C's class and he was thrilled I brought something, the teacher was thrilled that I brought fruit. Out of 19 kids in his class I was the only parent to bring fruit and not something sweet. I didn't have to go all out, I didn't need to stress about being "Perfect" just the effort alone was enough. C came home last night and not one piece of fruit was left, but the bowl was full of the sweets his classmates had brought. Now nothing against those moms. (My kid and myself were very happy to eat those sweets) I am saying that I was thrilled that my little effort of cutting up fruit was ENOUGH, I was ENOUGH and that makes my heart soar in itself.

     Knowing that I can stress less about the week, I have two more fruit trays to make with my $100 fruit but that is it, not going overboard, no many hours spent. Just a fruit tray is ENOUGH!!!